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If your loved one is in recovery
| scorpio |
If your loved one is in
recovery
Watch your expectations!!
Do not expect personal relationships and differences to be
ironed out immediately. At this point we need to have
understanding, patience and more patience. Remember that they
are now facing reality without the panacea of drugs. It may have
been a long time since they have had to do this. Don’t be
discouraged if progress is slow.
Some of us have also been living for many years in this
unhealthy environment and think the situation is hopeless. Have
faith and be patient, there are many success stories. You can be
one of them. Keep coming back
naranonky.org/reading/inrecovery.html |
| Replies... |
luve
piphany |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Now,
there's a "tip" I can't yet sink my teeth into, but I know where
to go when I can. Thank you Scorp for keeping the ESH that works
alive here.
I'm snowed and iced in so I cant go to any meetings and every
second is hard right now. That link is excellent...i'm only
clicking on the top ones though hoping for the day of
recovery.... |
| Juliett55 |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
I have
a question about that.
My addict was so open before he started the meetings and all,
but now I tell him I love him, will be there for him in any way
I can, or just be a friend if he would like that, but he is not
responding to any of it. I can't imagine he would stop loving me
that quickly and I know where that priorities are, but just wish
I didn't feel so ignored.
Is there a better way to think of this? |
luve
piphany |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
J,
there is no clear definite reason...click on the detaching with
love tab....that may help-it's the only thing that helps me |
| Juliett55 |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Thank
you luv I read it, but still hurting inside. It's like if you
don't care for me much let me go or if you do except my help and
love, but still get the wall from him. But, when he was just
getting started with it he was quite loving. I think because his
family is unaware he can't except my real love either, it's like
the whole circle of lies. |
luve
piphany |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Yes, I
know what you mean by the circle of lies. A model has probably
been made of it-it's such a sad mess.
I too am facing the wall-no idea why-no idea if he's alive or
dead-sad or happy...healing or dying-don't know and he won't
tell me and he won't even talk to me
just thee other day he loved me, wouldn't abandon me, needed me,
felt hope with me....how does it change so fast? Back to
detaching with love and lots of pain but the fear of the unknown
is slowly drifting away. This whole circle of lies makes me cry
for my mommy to make it stop-often. I know that sounds silly,
and I've never ever been a mommie's girl or ever even called her
mommy....I guess I'm being broken down to the little child who
has no control over the big bad world.
That's where this experience of loving and grieving an addict
can be beneficial if we keep walking thru it...maybe we will
find our real selves through this insanity.
That is what is so magical about NarAnon/AlAnon...it becomes all
about us and not them. All about love as that is all that is
left in the end.
Love yourself and if you find a way to put the thoughts and
wondering out of your mind and heart, please tell me. I to, want
it to stop again for a day or two at least... |
| scorpio |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Juliett,, sometimes when us addicts first get clean,,, we resort
to what we had to do to stay sane before we found drugs,,, some
of us just 'shut down'.... give it time,,, quit asking for
answers right now. If your addict is truly working a recovery
program,,, his feelings will inevitably follow,, and he will
have to find a way to express them... |
Meth
Phobia |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Quote:
Remember that they are now facing
reality without the panacea of drugs.
Thanks for that Scorpio...
I really needed that at this stage of my husband's recovery...
Sometimes I feel like he is not making progress...but like you
said we loved ones need to look and manage our expectations...
What may seem simple may actually be a big step for addicts in
recovery...
Thanks again... |
Kell
happy |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Yup, I
get the phases of being kind of blank and numb still. Sometimes
I think it's still hard to accept love. Sometimes I think it's
just hard to connect with any emotions.
It's not usually anything personal towards the person, loved
one, whatever, with me. It has to do with me. I really do
appreciate the love and other emotions that I can feel now, but
it can still get overwhelming and I still shut down.
I feel very lucky to be able to feel love now, though.
I'd say, do what you feel is right, figure out if you're OK on
the codependency issues, and then just try to let go of
expecting something like results from your actions. Just put the
love out there. That's the most important thing.
It takes time. It probably won't be easy, maybe not ever. But it
does get better. I've been learning. It takes the same lesson
over and over for me sometimes. I think accepting the feelings I
have has been a tough lesson for me. Numbness was what I wanted
or thought I needed for so long.
I just want you to know that your love is important, and
probably (I hope) actually being appreciated, whether that
addict in your life can tell you or show you or not. We hear
you, we just may not know what to do with it. Or we might feel
unworthy. Your love is a precious gift to us. Don't feel
unworthy yourself!! |
| scorpio |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
An
expectation is a premeditated resentment.
I've heard that a lot. |
| Cassandra |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Juliett,
In all the time that Lat has been clean... he is still very much
in recovery... and I know there is still a long road of healing
left for both of us. It doesn't happen overnight.
When an addict fights to be clean, there is more than one battle
he must face. Addiction and cravings, yes... but he must also
face the damage done both in and around him during his
addiction... not to mention whatever damage was there before. As
feelings come rushing back in, I imagine it would be hard,
nearly impossible, for the addict to focus on dealing with any
feelings but his own... it may seem selfish, but then again, if
it is all-consuming, then how much can be left for anyone else?
In order to be a man that can live for anyone else, he must
first learn to live with himself again.
In early recovery, the battle is being fought inside... so
everything outside that wall is out of reach...
The wall will most likely come down slowly.... but rushing it
will only slow it more.
Yes, it is a long road... but if all these victories happened
over night, then I do not think I could so fully observe them,
learn from them, and truly take joy in them as I have over time.
It takes time to heal... but it also takes time to learn respect
and appreciate it to the fullest. The road is long, but it is
for the best. And it is worth it for all involved. |
| scorpio |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Oh
jimminy crickets.... I did not post that so that for me, I don't
have a 'spouse' in early recovery, I have a using abusing spouse
who dips in and out of recovery when he's trying to get his foot
back in MY door. I posted that for the women (and men if need
be) who keep asking questions about the way their spouse is
supposed to act in early RECOVERY.... I didn't write that or
personalize it,, I found it and posted it for other peoples
benefit.
Thank you for your indirect advise.
I know how to love and treat my husband when I have one.
I don't know how to take care of myself. I'm learning. |
| clickmom |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Wow. I
logged on just now to ask what can I realistically expect from
my bf right now and here I see this post.
My bf is supposedly 10 days clean, he's been going to an
outpatient treatment program for the last 3 days...
He's been grouchy, which I've expected...and I know he can't
kick all this within a matter of days, even weeks or maybe even
months...I know this logically. Of course my emotions want him
to at least show that he's making some improvement, yet I don't
see any. Maybe improvement isn't the right word...more like him
really wanting this. Granted he is going and he looks good when
I see him after, I think the groups REALLY help. He even said he
still wants to get high REALLY bad, and they talk about it in
the groups. But he gets to my house after, and he's just a mean
ol grouch.
Today I am worried because he gets paid and its Friday. I asked
him what his plan is so that he won't get tempted and he says he
doesn't know...and seemed like he didn't care. So, I'm not sure
if he will relapse today or not.
What can I realistically expect from him during this time? Is he
going to relapse a lot? Is he going to be mean? Is he going to
just shut down? For how long?
I have so many questions... |
| scorpio |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Realistically you can't really expect anything. You are
completely powerless over him and his choices.
You can change the way you think and react in the situations
that you are put in by someone else's choices. You can work on
yourself.
You can also pray. |
| Cassandra |
Re: If your loved one is
in recovery
Ditto
on what Scorpio said.
Be careful not to expect anything.
And make sure your hopes aren't misplaced.
Don't let your emotions get the best of you... be smart. |
See also:
Recovery and Treatment of Crystal Meth
Back to Crystal Meth & Methamphetamine Questions, Answers & Advice
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